1. Know what you really want
This may sound basic, but it is the largest and most important part of success.
It’s not always easy to know what you really want, subjectively. Be certain that once achieved, this success will be satisfactory and environmentally friendly.
This quote from Seneca is a good illustration.
« There is no favorable wind for those who do not know where they are going. »
2. Define what winning and losing means to oneself
It is interesting to understand what is happening to each of us when we win and when we lose.
For some, losing is a comfort zone because winning is something so rare – from the point of view of the person – that the effects and unknown consequences are to be feared.
As we are often good at what we know, losing becomes a way to gain peace and serenity. We then set up self-sabotage techniques in order not to succeed.
3. Turning fear into strength
Fear is a reaction our brain puts in to meet some of our needs .
Wanting to turn fear into strength, is to decide that fear is no longer the right answer, that it serves us more than it serves us.
Without necessarily going into an analysis of the causes of fear of success , it can be easily reversed and transformed into strength . And this transformation is possible at
However, the sooner we are prepared to know our fears and understand how to tame them, and more self-confidence and resilience are naturally and sustainably anchored. This is to allow a response to events tailored to our values and our needs .
4. Celebrate the victory
The “ successors ” – the name I give to those who have set themselves themselves a goal to achieve and succeed – celebrate their victory.
Some people think that it is “normal” to succeed and therefore not to underline the victory but that it is quite “abnormal” to fail, and that it is appropriate to spend hours analyzing the reasons and to feel guilty.
A success is to be celebrated for rewarding a job, a physical and mental effort , a culmination. And this, whatever the size and value of the goal set. This is one of the keys to self-confidence.
5. Being in resilience
Observe a Novak Djokovich or a Roger Federer in trouble: nothing transpires. They remain focused.
They are in the analysis of the situation, cold, in the here and now and the activation of their neuronal connections to solve the problem.
They do not get caught up in blocking emotions and doubt . They are in resilience .
Listen to them after a game, whether they win or lose. They talk about facts , they’ve identified positive points, and improved their game. They’re already reliving the match in their head by correcting what did not work.
This visualization helps to implement improvements, even if the event has already occurred . “I should have said that, I could have done that …”
You can relive the situation with the behavior, the words, the deeds, all that you would have wanted to be and do at this moment. This approach has a double effect:
- stop worrying and relive that moment indefinitely
- start setting up the ideal behavior according to you, in specific situations
This exercise works essentially on what we could not do or say.
If it’s about something you’ve done or said that you feel remorseful about, you can go back to what happened with the Other, discuss , explain your point of view , share your regrets.
This approach remains the best solution for peace of mind and relationship . If that’s possible, of course.